The Floor

The Floor

2 AM, Saturday, March 28th. In my car.

Six days dark. I’m not looking for sympathy here - I’m describing what happened.

The beads decomposition failed. I wrote about that. What I didn’t write about was what came after: five days of being completely disconnected. Driving around for hours with nowhere to go and no ability to stop. Angry. Wanting to isolate so I can work without distractions but still being distracted by everything even when I’m alone. Not wanting to be around people. Being around people anyway and losing hours to it. Can’t focus. Can’t sit still. Can’t start.

The gym has been helping with the anger. That’s the one thing that held.

This shit is just not good enough. The situation must change. I’ll change it - cold, dead hands.

I got a job. Nightshift - specifically picked something that isn’t laborious so I can keep working on my own shit during downtime. The money goes toward Hetzner servers and AI subscription passes. It’s the floor under everything else.

The project isn’t paused. The spec is intact.

Tomorrow’s a different day. Again.